A week to go

Definitely was a crazy week! Constantly driving and so many meetings to attend, so much work to be done!
And all this is kinda helpful in slowing down my thinking process, which makes my thoughts clearer and we'll constructed.

What should I get for you for your big day?

😎

13/5/2017

Life hasn't been normal since May.

Everybody would love the thought of having a normal life, cause it would be so easy. No ups and downs, no challenges, no heartbreaks, no tough decisions to make.

Life is different. Everything happens and everything can change.

It's scary to acknowledge the fact that we are all still growing up, the fact that we have to better selves, not in comparison to others but to our yesterdays.
When two people commit to a similar cause, they have to embrace the challenges that come up, be it internally, externally, interpersonal or intrapersonal.

Nothing is better than knowing that someone is always there and has your back. I admit that I did wrong on this, cause I always had to be the one who has to take care of my own back.

Nothing is better than knowing that you're always on his mind. You are always on mine, and there not one day that I not wish to live with you and never be separated again.

Nothing is better than knowing that he is always forgiving and kind and generous and considerate. You have taught me to treat each and every person equally, nicely; something that I've never been good at.

Please come back. My heart aches every time I think of you, and I can't breathe properly without choking every time I think about us.

Please give us a chance to fix this.

I am sorry.

Mia & Seb

I have no idea I'd be returning here after almost a year absent.

I don't know if you still read my blog?

If there was 1 movie that I would regret my life not watching, it must be La La Land.
Thank God I managed to watch it before it is no longer showing in the cinema.

P/S: as I am writing now, I am listening to Mia & Seb's Theme by Justin Hurwitz. And oh my I still have teary eyes. It is terribly GOOD.

So yeah, I broke down many more times than I'd expected. I bet it's cause I felt strangely, deeply connected to this movie. And I'd say it: this movie deserves so much more recognition, much more Oscars than it has.

I thought the whole movie plot, setting and twists were way higher than brilliant.

I actually saw myself in Mia: the girl who had a great aunt and secretly intended (when she was young) and then grew up to follow her dream which ran parallel with her aunt - to be an actress. I wanted to, like her, go after my dream. I was sad because I no longer really know what my "original" dream was. She was something I wasn't: she had a dream and kept working for it; I might have just forgotten mine, or like Seb, I have pardoned my dream in exchange for a good landing job and to meet people's expectations.

Mia & Seb's came out 3 times
Damn I just cried

Mia & Seb's theme appeared 3 times. 3 different occasions. I cried a lot at the 3rd time.

I almost murdered my heart at the plot twist(s). Everything that could have been right, went wrong. This IS the hard truth of reality.

The fact is, 2 people can be wildly, crazily, sincerely, madly, strongly in love, but there is nothing worse than having to see either one moving on (and away) from the other, with much success, new love and his/her own family.

My thoughts are stirred by this movie.

Thumbs up to the director, the producer, the cast director, the musicians, the cast. I would never think of any more smart way to bring back old classic movies and fight for the spirit of jazz,

A thing or two to learn from Mia:
1. Never stop reaching for your dream.
2. You can't learn to love something unless you really understand it.
3. Don't waste your time and your parents' money doing something that will distract you from your dream.

I LOVE LA LA LAND

Mia: I'm always gonna love you.

Sebastian: I'm always gonna love you, too.

Finding myself

It's 2.52 a.m. and I don't feel sleepy at all (though I know I'm in for a tough day tomorrow if I resist sleeping tonight)
Yours truly has been through a rather peaceful fight. Not only with the beloved, but against myself, the most.
WHO have I become? It would be bloody obvious to people around me, who have not yet found the urgency or even guts to tell me, because I'm too high up. What was I thinking?
I have become unfriendly, giving everyone the same treatment that I give to arrogant, nasty and poor-mannered customers that I deal with daily. Now I know I am wrong. I did notice it, just didn't make any effort to shake that attitude off after working hours.
I did not make enough effort to be close to people that I rarely see. Probably at most 2 times a year. I was playing too egoistic. I am sorry because I made the situation awkward and made you feel disappointed, once again. I always have the impression: it's ok la, I will see them for the rest of my life. But wrong! (STUPID ME!) How will I still be in the rest of their lives if I can even treat them well from the beginning?
Even worse, I treated you like I was a jerk. I took it for granted that you would always forgive me and ignore my flaws. I blamed you for not making effort in our relationship but guess what, I think I am to take the bigger part of the blame. Why is it that I could not have given you an answer or solution to the problem that we are facing? I think it's because I am indeed too ignorant to our problems and not working hard enough to maintain our relationship.
As a person, I realise now that I've slowly turned into a disgusting bitch. I hate it when people mess up my things, I hate it when people don't return my friendliness, I hate it most when people fake their friendliness. But come to think of it, these are around 25% of the people that I meet everyday, I have been extremely (morally) wrong to stereotype and become city-unfriendly-ugly-bitch by un-nicely treating people. Including my parents, my family and the beloved. Sorry.
Upbringing affects two people so much, too much it almost murdered our relationship. To be in another family's house and trying to take in the differences, embrace them and to accept them, is not that easy, especially when it is almost the opposite with what happens at your own home. Of course, no one side is correct, but I will try harder!
There are so many things that I think too much (or worry) about that I finally, tonight (or rather today since it's already 3.28 a.m. already haha), finally could really understand and grasp that the fact is, if I am a happy person, beloved will be a happy person, beloved's family will be a happy family and plans will just go on smoothly. So it has to go back to the basic: resetting myself to restore defaults. HAVE TO.
And it's true, most importantly, I was wrong to keep you at the centre of my life. I'm not saying that I should not, but I have been over-relying on you, beloved, and I understand now that I'm slowly suffocating you, or am already suffocating you.
Lastly, you are the one that I really consider as family. Before we met, I was sure that nobody was going to be able to effortlessly dim down my ego and pride. You came into my life as a rainbow. Of course we had hard times, but on top of it, we have had crazy good times too! And I am forever grateful of getting the chance after the stupid 1-month waiting period to exist, till now, your girlfriend. And for that, you have changed me to a better person, no lie.
I would not say that I come from a perfect family as well, but you gave me warmth, happiness and bliss that I have never felt before. Perhaps it's common to a lot of other people but I appreciate (or rather I would say, will appreciate even much more from now on) that you are by far the man that I would not want to miss, at all.
Beloved, I'm not asking you to forgive me now, I know that I have a lot of work to do: soul searching. I too, miss the times that we used to have. I hope everything will go smoothly and we will be fine.

If lovers didn’t fight,
Love would not have existed.
In love, you need to indulge in fights-
Be a little louder than usual,
Complain, argue
Cry.
Do the fiercest of things
Shut room doors randomly,
Sit alone,
Make single coffees,
Read books pretentiously,
Die out of jealousy
And go crazy
Beyond cardiac and cranial responsibilities.
And once you have released
All the anger and fury,
Love will bind you back,
Love promises to bind you back,
Stitch your pages
Into a book.
This will happen,
This needs to happen.
For,
Love
Demands
Everything.
And, everything includes both
The Good
And the Bad-
And that is why
Love is
Everything.
That is why,
When lovers fight,
The fight ends with a
Criminal
“I love you.”
And that is why,
Love is love
And not anything else.
But remember-
If lovers didn’t fight,
Love wouldn’t have existed.

— Mui aka saintbrush.com

And for that, I love you

5/9/2015

Crossing the road.
Making breakfast.
Doing lab work.
Going for lunch.
Coming back from work.
Making dinner.
Cleaning up dishes.
Washing clothes.
Refilling water.
Going for piano classes.
Going for grocery shopping.
Working out.
Swimming. (Or rather, teaching you how to swim)

All this will revert back to me.

Oh boy, how much I will miss you when you're away!

I did not intend for the post to be sad, I just want to tell you how much I will miss you tomorrow night onward!

You have been the perfect guy for the past 12 weeks; yes we have had our bad times, but they are still perfect, because life is all ups and downs, and how we endure them.

We have done crazy things together, romantic things together, exciting and spontaneous things together, and I appreciate you being there for every moment that we will cherish.

I thank God for the 3 months that we get to spend together: a glimpse into our future! :P

I know the subsequent 1 year will be a challenge to us because you and I will both get busier, but guess what? We are so gonna make it through babeh! Because I have faith in us.

I admit there were times that I have been ridiculously stubborn or too egoistic, and I am sorry. Thank you for scolding me and teaching me to become a better person. On the outside I may look as if I'm always a bright cheerful person, but only you know what I have sealed up inside my heart.

Every time you turn away and walk towards the lift, to go up to your unit, I would just stand there and watch. Maybe yearning for you to turn back and just give me another hug. Although I know another hug would probably send me some tears. Haha!

I am happy that you have learnt quite a lot of skills from these 12 weeks, I really hope that you'll excel in your final year, and make yourself proud. I am always proud of you: of who you are and what kind of person you can become.

I love you, always, TTY.

<3 p="">

我只是一个感情特别丰富的哭包。

那是因为什么，其实我也不懂。或许突然感觉到"见一次就等于少一次见面的机会"。

真想让自己坚强一些，也别再那么我行我素了。

我爱你。

28APR

The excruciating one month has finally passed.

And we made it! :D

I said that I would be extremely grateful if you stayed, and I really feel so. And blessed. And all the good feelings.

TTY, no words can exactly describe what or who you are to me. You are much more than important in my life and I hope that I can always bring you happiness, share your sadness and be your support when you feel weary.

For I, love you, always.