12/5

Almost a month in, and I'm back for a while.

Hi, just came back from meal at a Korean place, nice food, nice kids around. Sorry for the dizzy spell, I thought I could control that.

Sometimes, I think I'm rather stupid, yes, stupid. As I look back into my recent past, I do think that at some instances I really couldn't be any dumber than dumb. I'm so sorry if I have hurt or offended you in any way.

Personal grudges are stupid, so I don't really hold grudges, but unfortunately, quite unfortunately, my memory has a certain power, still. So if somebody has done something quite offensive to me in the past, sorry, you're etched.

And now I see why it's so hard for me to think that I'm forgiven.

Gah.

20/4

Been quite a long time since I've blogged. If there's anyone besides TheSpecialOne who is reading, thank you for your support!

Karpal Singh has passed on to the other world, God bless his soul.

Isn't that supposed to be how everyone should live?

To serve the nation, to help the needy and when you die, people will carry on your legacy in their lives and memories.

Suddenly the world feels so fragile.

Everytime I see some of these misfortunes happen, I keep thinking about the truth I have been hiding from the family (except 3 people) for 6 months and 6 days already. I guess this is the longest time in my record of hiding things.

Thank you TheSpecialOne, for always being understanding and so loving and caring. I don't have enough words to say how much gratitude and love I have for you, but only these three small words:

I LOVE YOU

So many incidents have happened recently, and I'm so lucky that you're always there (despite some MIA incidents). After graduation, we will show them. Kay?

Lots of love, hugs and pinches. 

1/4

Hey, Happy April Fool!

Anyway, stumbled across this article that exactly spoke for my heart.

How best friends become total strangers? Everybody has a particular "someone" in life that they can never go back to. Read this article, you'll feel it.

Sometimes breaking up isn’t too difficult. Sometimes you know the person is entirely wrong for you. You know that it would never work because you never achieved that level of intimacy necessary to build a lasting relationship. You never became best friends.

Then there are times when breaking up is the most difficult thing in the world, not just because you know that you are breaking your lover’s heart – and your own while you’re at it – but because you are willfully choosing to lose your best friend.

There is nothing worse than choosing to let go and move on when you know that your best friend will never be more than just that, a best friend. It’s a very difficult phenomenon to describe, which is why most go with the all-time favorite cliché: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

The truth is, that is the best way to describe it: You love someone deeply and feel that you ought to be part of each others’ lives, but not in the capacity that you have been thus far. Unfortunately, not everyone can break up and stay friends. In fact, I’d say most couldn’t. That is why we lose our best friends. We lose the people who are most important to us and, let’s be honest, end up lost for a good moment afterwards ourselves.

With time, however, we learn to pick up the pieces and redefine our direction in life. Yet, not all of us completely move on. Some of us still hold on to that friendship even though it is long gone. Why? We do love them. We wish they could be part of our lives. But at the same time we understand that is impossible. So what else is there to do than to write them a letter we’ll never send?

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Hey there, stranger.

It’s been a very long time, which I’m sure you’re aware of. I’d like to say that it was your decision alone to keep this distance, but I think we both know it was for the best. I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well, but as we both know I have absolutely no idea how you are. The one thing that can definitely be said is that when we cut ties, we leave no strand behind, but slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other. It’s amazing to think that once we were inseparable, the best of friends.

You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. Until, of course, that final day. I sometimes find myself wondering why we couldn’t stay in touch. Would it be so bad if we got together for coffee from time to time? Or if we gave each other a ring to see how the other was doing?

Using the phone to make calls has become archaic, but surely we could send a text to wish each other a happy birthday? Or a happy New Year? I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life and there is nothing I can do to ever change that.

You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself — impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible. We know we aren’t right for each other. We know it would never work, and we know the friendship we have — we had — created a bond that would make slipping back into romance too easy. It would make repeating the same mistakes too likely, repeating the same heartbreak certain. That’s what it really comes down to: It’s not my heart that I’m worried about, but yours. Breaking my own heart would be my responsibility to bear, but I can’t once again be responsible for breaking yours.

So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies. I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt. I wish you all the best and although you will never read this, although we will never speak to each other again, and although you are out of my life forever, I wish you nothing short of happiness.

Never again to be yours, 

Your Lost Best Friend

31/3

Once again, we have come to the end of the month.

It's March already, how is your year so far? Mine's great, albeit being tired frequently and having piles of work to do.

Yourstruly is seriously going to be unemployed in around 3 months; the question: What does my future hold?

I do admit that I worry about quite a lot of things, and I hate it when things do not work out the way I envision them to.

Sometimes, it is so hard to contain the ugly bit of yourself inside because you don't want to see that bit unleashed and for it to do harm to the ones closest to you. Sometimes I just hate myself for not being to be in control of myself, in particular, that ugly ugly bit.

I'm sorry if I am not up to your standards, I'm so sorry for not being able to be "me".

13/3

Tomorrow will be the 14th of the month. How fast time flies!

Recently have been venting up quite a lot of unhappy energy. Sometimes I feel like being alone because I don't want to hurt anyone around me. Sometimes I just don't want to leave your side cause that is my safe haven.

I don't know whether I'm mistreating you, but if I did, I'm really sorry, I never meant it.

____________________________________________________________________________

Friends can turn into foes, but in this case, it's not exactly foes that they're turning into, but rather distant friends who no longer care and the change that has incurred is much more than I have expected.

Probably you would say that everyone is selfish, but sometimes, what matters is actually the thought. And apparently some of you just don't have it.

I mean this means goodbye, to you, ignorant people.

8/3

Hey. Finally have some time to sit down in front of the laptop to write a short post.

Many posts have been written on a Saturday morning like today, after breakfast before lunch.

So the major thing that is going on in my head is my FYP and thesis-writing.

Oh yes! Quickie update: I have been to the parents' and grandparents' place! And I like them, especially his grandma. SOOOO CUTE.

I long for the day when my family will finally acknowledge, accept and embrace him as well, as MY family too.

Before you read, I would like to tell you, my dear readers, that although it's a bit lengthy, it closely describes what kind of guy women want to fall in love with.

This is an article by Laura Argintar who is an experienced writer, comedienne and low-key science nerd. Listed among her achievements are performing stand-up throughout New York City, graduating from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor of Science and being the first woman in history to twerk at a 2 Chainz concert. LARG – as her friends call her – enjoys covering women’s topics, watching celebrities self-destruct and rising to any occasion.

The Beauty Of Falling In Love
 With Someone Who Makes

                      YOU 

              A Better Person

Before we begin, I’d like you to step into my lair a little bit. I promise I won’t get weird. Turn up a little “Samson” by Regina Spektor or “Skinny Love” by Birdy or whatever soft piano/acoustic/vocal mashup you got in your arsenal of slow songs for days like this when the sky is freeing snowballs and the world feels like one big fleece blanket.

It’s days like this when I’m trapped inside, indulging in my own fun (painting my nails while my hair soaks in a hair masque), that my mind wanders to what I’d be doing if I weren’t stuck home. I’m going to be honest, sometimes, when it’s nearing darkness and the evening hours seem to stretch on endlessly, I wish I had another person there to share in my thoughts of grandeur.

That’s how I came to the conclusion that above anything else — looks, charm, humor, romance — I want a man who will enliven me. Someone who’s going to push my boundaries, introduce me to places I’ve never heard of and embolden me to do the unimaginable because he genuinely believes I can. If he inspires me like that, then the rest will come naturally.

To be frank, it’s hard to come up with new sh*t on your own all the time. You need a partner-in-crime who won’t settle for the mundane, who lives for the thrill, especially when you’re by his side. He’s the guy who won’t think twice about staying out late on a night of adventure even when there’s work in the morning. He’s the one who says “let’s do it” instead of “let’s see.”

Think about it: There’s a reason artists fall in love with their muses. They build you up and make you strive to be your best self.

Take Shakespeare (or even “Shakespeare In Love,” another favorite), for example. Practically his entire collection of love sonnets is inspired by someone else. His greatest work was rooted in his adoration and admiration for a mysterious lover. Falling in love with someone who excites you is ancient.

Look no further than the cult favorite “Vicky Cristina Barcelona,” even. Although a tempestuous relationship, there’s no denying that Maria Elena and Juan Antonio have that passionate spark. In the drama of it all, they always come back to each other.

Maybe it’s my inner hopeless romantic; maybe it’s the wintry cuddle season, but if I’m stuck inside dreaming all day, I want to be with someone whose dreams are wilder than mine.

Here’s why you should fall in love with someone who exhilarates you:

1. They introduce you to things you’ve never imagined

It’s a big, big world out there, filled with crazy stuff like The World at Dubai and beer-flavored jelly beans and so much more that we can’t discover it all on our own. Someone who inspires you brings a sense of awe into your life, even when it’s as small as showing you the secret spot for the best wings in the city.

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2. They motivate you to do better

They will push you to be a better person without directly putting pressure on you. Your partner serves as the best incentive to transcend your limitations. When you’re ready to give up, it’s important to have a supporting person to get you back on track.

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3. They are profoundly interesting

This is the person you can lie across the couch with, talking all day and never running out of things to say. They possess this otherworldly knowledge that’s enlightening and captivating at the same time. Who can resist a guy who can pontificate on European history just as easily as he can show you the sites?

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4. They make you feel fulfilled

You won’t feel like you’re missing out on something or that anything greater can come along. Everything you need is right in front of you, which is really the beauty of falling in love with someone who inspires you. They make you realize that you have all the capabilities of finding self-satisfaction.

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5. They make you dream bigger

When you connect with this person, their investment in you means that you will be motivated to constantly strive to go beyond what you think you are capable of. Being with this person makes you feel like you can do anything, escape to anywhere, conquer whatever you set out to do. It’s an unexplainable high every time.

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6. They help you achieve your goals because they understand their importance to you

This person isn’t going to hold you back from anything. If you want to sign up for a new class or check out the latest live music, they won’t stop you for selfish reasons. They understand that your personal happiness is just as paramount as their own.

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6. They bring excitement in your life

There’s no such thing as a boring activity in your relationship — even if you’re spending the night in, staying up watching a psychological thriller, or playing tease card games. This person is inherently intriguing, which makes it easy to get lost in your days together.

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7. They challenge you

This person won’t “yes” you when you ask them for an honest opinion. Take it as a sign that you hold significance in their lives when they don’t let you get away with mediocrity. This is someone who cares about you enough to tell you the hard truths that you can’t tell yourself.

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8. They make you realize how amazing you truly are

All this time you think this person is flawless because they are a role model in your life, but in reality, it’s what you also bring to the table that makes this other person shine. They help you remember that you make a great team; it’s not a one-sided relationship.

And if you are lucky enough to find this person who so positively builds your confidence and sense of self, then you are quite an inspiration to me.