2/1/2012

Notice I put the Year as well in my title?

That's because this is my first post in this brand new year, 2012. :)

Happpy new yearrrr, how'd you do !

Hope you had a really amazing night in London, I know you did. :)

Why did she do that? Of good intention, or bad?

I'm not going to waste my time on speculations like this, cause I know they're simply not worth my time cause whatever I think, whatever I say or did not say, whatever I imagined and never thought of, whatever I've seen and did not see, whatever I did and did not, still, have the courage to do.

If I could see you now. This song is playing. Exactly what I want to say to you now.

All of me have been swept and carried away by you.

I'm dreading so much /i can only type with one hand cause the other has work to do.

Wipe off the tears.

I'm using the hand that touched you before to wipe away my tears and I pretend to be okay, when I'm quietly crying in my hostel in front of my laptop and no one notices.

So much pretending I hate myself.

When I was small, pretending was being creative, being imaginative.

Now, it's because of you. Pretending now, is being dishonest with what I truly feel and mean, but whatever there is, I am not supposed to let it show or let you know. That's cause you have a life and I'm not in the picture, you have hers.

People say: "Sooner of later you're gonna be fine."

Lies, comforting lies. Cause I'm not that stupid to realize that I'm going to be fine.

I'm only half alive. Fortunate?

Sickening.

I miss you so bad I can do anything to kill it.

That night, meteors were in the sky. I wished you were here, lying next to me and laughing at me when I thought a bird was a meteor and when I did the "meteor-calling". I wished but it did not come true. I know, I've known from the beginning that I'm the one being stupid.

919 texts from you. What am I supposed to do with them? I just simply can't press the "Yes" button to "Delete all?" your messages. Your messages has become part of me. Sometimes I can scroll through all of them and hear you, feel you again.

Those messages, together with memories are all that you've left for me.

Depression, pain; I guess those were self-inflicted. You're not to be blamed.

Because I, truly, love you.