4 a.m.

I had no idea I'd suddenly wake up at 4 a.m.

It's been so long since we talked. The questions I wanted to ask now had become sort of redundant. The hope of "someday things will just patch up" has become something rather unreachable.
It feels like you've totally uprooted me from your life. Just like I'm some kind of weed which will just take up too much of your life, nutrients and time.
Everything I do and every conversation I have tend to subconsciously controlled. I want to look for familiarity and belonging. I want to talk to people around you, just to know how you are recently. I want to talk to them about how wonderful you are, or were.

Yet I couldn't handle the familiarity sometimes. Seeing you seeing me and then just walking away. That tears me apart. Maybe it does to you too.
Is that what you're doing?

As I lay here in my bed tonight, there is nothing except you in my thoughts. People say that there are good days and bad days. I guess now is a bad day.

I really miss you. I really still love you.