28/9

Have you ever understood how insecure a girl can be?

She seems emotionless and moody at times to the people surrounding her.

She seems to be harsh and tough to everybody, including herself.

It is most unlikely for her to allow anyone too close into her life.

This is because she seals up the most inner part of her heart before anyone gets there to hurt it and scar it.

And also before she starts to lose her sanity and hurt others; most of the time it is herself.

_____________________________________________________________________

I wrote this around a month ago.

My mood has changed quite a lot, generally.

Still there are fluctuations but please God, help me through this.

26/9

Alright I seriously will try to post this BEFORE 27/9.

I have ten minutes.

Okay.

Today was a relatively busy day; very rainy, very occupied.

Whatsoever, I had a few of my great laughs today.

:)

Grateful to have all those awesome people in my life.

Probably the last person on earth I should think of is you.

You seriously..

Gah, you put me searching for words again.

23/9

Seven rounds on the track today.

I turned the music up so loud.

To block out everything from my mind.

Somehow it didn't work.

And the devil started to whisper, mutter and yell.

Unleashed; scarred.

22/9

Finally long sleep-hours.

All the hassle is kind of halted for the weekend; and I finally have some ample time for my thinking.

I think a lot.

Doesn't necessarily mean that I don't take rash moves or do stupid stuffs but, I think a lot.

Why do you have to come and disrupt the ambiance?

I was so much better without you.

Until you tried to use that smiley to try to cover up everything that has happened.

I hate it.

21/9

Sometimes the feeling of wanting to blog just comes gushing, without much warning.

And sometimes I'm beaten aback by my own stupid thoughts.

It's like going back to the point that I thought I have passed.

It seriously sucks.

Like you thought you have moved on ages ago but then it's like suddenly you start sinking back into the intense emotions, the bad ones.

I know going back means nothing at all, because whatever I think, it has already passed.

The person hardest to convince might just be yourself. Believe it?

I always have hard times convincing myself.

- It's alright, you're not slacking, you're just doing things at a comfortable speed. Why hurry?
- It's alright, it's always going to be okay, just don't keep thinking that it won't.

And so many other stuffs that I really want to convince myself to believe.

Then, what the hell is wrong with me?

Why can't I just convince myself?

I don't ever want to go back to the pathetic state in which I hate myself.

No, thank you.

Help me believe.

And I thought I've started to believe that I've found a person that I can be comfortable with.

But then.

Hah.

It'll never be my turn to be your special one.

:(

And you might never know.

:(

20/9

总是有些时候，会有一些话，一些举动，让我不开心。

我也不想。

唉。

:(

這是你─獅子座



1.獅子總是喜歡指揮別人，有著天使的笑臉，惡魔的心。

2.很固執，但是面對著一個很在乎的人，固執的性格卻消失了，面對著那個一次又一次傷害自己的人總是會心軟。

3.吃軟不吃硬，經常口是心非，很樂觀又很悲觀，總說自己不孤單，其實很寂寞，對陌生人冷冷的熟悉後就嘻嘻哈哈。

4.心思慎密，有強烈的保護欲，懂得照顧每個人的感受。獅子是不懼任何言辭的，有獅子出沒的地方，旁人不會感到孤單。

5.在感情中就算分手，也會帶著無所謂的面具，默默承受一切。也正是因為這樣，要強的獅子會讓大家誤以為對情傷無所謂，可以很快好起來。

还满准的啦，只有第一条不是很准。嘻嘻。

12/9

Missed out blogging for a few days.

Yours truly was kind of busy and VERY away-from-keyboard these few days.

The settling back to hostel, new stuffs and etc.

I wonder, whether there'd be a day, when all my guilt will resolve.

I wonder.

"Paper Planes"

I'm pouring my heart out,
Leaving almost nothing for myself,
You're beginning my eyes
Why do I feel your mind is somewhere else?
Our love is delicate as butterfly wings,
But still we fight about the silliest things,
I hate it when we do,
So I'll keep forgiving you,
Over and over again.

And we're flying on paper planes,
Hoping it don't rain on my parade,
When I'm with you it's strange,
I'll make it everything,
Hoping that the wind don't change,
Oh oh oh oh…

It's danger when you fall out,
I never learned to walk before I run,
It's too easy to fall out
I'll push away the clouds to see the sun,
Oh oh oh,
As beautiful as a song a nightingale sings,
It's nothing compared to the joy you bring,
This river that love is,
I tried swimming,
And I went over my head.

Cause we're flying on paper planes, 
Hoping it don't rain on my parade,
When I'm with you it's strange,
I'll make last all day,
Hoping that the wind don't change,
Oh oh oh oh…

I'm scared to fall
Cause we're so high,
And it's a long way down from here,
But if we're strong, if we try,
We can touch the sky.

And we're flying on paper planes
Hoping it don't rain on my parade,
When I'm with you it's strange, 
I'll make it everything
I hope your wind don't change
Oh oh oh oh…

Kinda emo.

5/9

今天开始收拾东西了。

也把搁置在一旁的心情收拾了，更新了。

加油吧！

有時候你不懂：
一個建議你離開的人，可能是最愛你的；
一個希望你放棄的人，可能是最關心你的；
一個渴求不再聯繫的人，可能是最掛念你的；
一個默默離開的人，可能是最捨不得你的。

太正确了。

4/9

The satisfaction you get after shopping and realizing that you got yourself what you want and need.

:)

Thank you, God.

Today I shall not have posts on remorse or any tinge of sadness.

It's my happy-day.

:)

3/9 [2]

The urge to post for a second time.

:)

这会是我最后一次对你心软。

这样写，是提醒自己也好，是警告自己也好，总之，

我不会再想念你了。

永别!

:)

3/9

Again, it's past midnight already now.

Posting during midnight feels different. I feel closer to my feelings.

Today, I've passed by a place I thought we would go and thought of all the insane thoughts.

I have buried them deep down under my feet.

I still am sorry. Though sometimes very pissed, I'm still yeah, sorry.

September seems to be (hopefully) promising.

I've been gradually hyped up by the thought that I'd see all familiar faces again, breathe familiar atmosphere and be in the familiar place again.

And just at that moment, I've pictured you.

For quite some time now, I've been trying to suppress my inner feelings towards a lot of people.

I'm very much worried that sooner or later, someone will find out that I'm not being a hundred percent "me".

Because I don't want the people I don't want to think that I"m not okay to think that I'm really not okay.

I hate this.

All this raging emotions.

Sometimes I wonder whether I can just use all these emotions and generate electricity, cause it definitely is a renewable energy source and dependable, sustainable.

Nights world, I still thank Lord for blessing me with all the people who truly care for me and make sure I go to bed early.

Thank you.