21/9

Sometimes the feeling of wanting to blog just comes gushing, without much warning.

And sometimes I'm beaten aback by my own stupid thoughts.

It's like going back to the point that I thought I have passed.

It seriously sucks.

Like you thought you have moved on ages ago but then it's like suddenly you start sinking back into the intense emotions, the bad ones.

I know going back means nothing at all, because whatever I think, it has already passed.

The person hardest to convince might just be yourself. Believe it?

I always have hard times convincing myself.

- It's alright, you're not slacking, you're just doing things at a comfortable speed. Why hurry?
- It's alright, it's always going to be okay, just don't keep thinking that it won't.

And so many other stuffs that I really want to convince myself to believe.

Then, what the hell is wrong with me?

Why can't I just convince myself?

I don't ever want to go back to the pathetic state in which I hate myself.

No, thank you.

Help me believe.

And I thought I've started to believe that I've found a person that I can be comfortable with.

But then.

Hah.

It'll never be my turn to be your special one.

:(

And you might never know.

:(