30/6

OMG. how long has it been since i've blogged! omfg zomg.
ok i knw..i knw..i knw.. NOBODY missed me. hahha.
skool days are getting ridiculously busy n rushy. i seem to have alrd lost myself.
i wish i had someone to blame.
ok take it this way. I BLAME YOU.
you gave me a sleepless night.
you gave me a freaky nightmare.
ohmygod. i dn raeli wana talk abt it. bt the more i dn wana talk abt it, the more i wana talk abt it.
OHWTF BLAME YOU for making me go crazy like this.
you caused me to not know wat i'm talking all the time.
you cause me to not know wat i do all the time.
you cause me to feel lost.
you cause me to feel i have to , HAVE TO rely on you.
you cause me to go like. CUCKOO!
you cause me to go crazy . crazy OVER you.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
stop torturing me like this.
that dream. aikxx i dun wana go through that.
you. you two were so close. omg. u treat me like..a friend who is more than a friend but not as much as a lover. like a real girl. you treat her so well! omg. you made me damn jealous.
in the whole dream i was like. STOP DOING THAT IN FRONT OF ME. you held her hand. you looked her so DEEP in her eyes. omg you're KILING ME! you hugged her.
*takes in a deeap breath in case im gona faint*
wei. hv u ever tot of me? i was so sad in both the dream n also now. sniffles. i killed myself in that dream. you never took notice of my disappearance n din even come to my funeral.
u knw how hurt i was?
although it was just a dream but i was starting to think. maybe it's time we shd say goodbye to each other.
but.
I CANT!!!!!!!
you know why?
bcz you've got that gooey-poison STUCK DOWN MY THROAT. tht stupid potion.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
weiii u knw how much i need you eh bo?
i know la u. "i duno."
weiiiii u knw hw much i really like you ?
i also know. " i duno. and i dun care cz i hv sum1 else to like. shoo."
weiiii u knw hw much i've fallen into you?
i know. " i duno. but i dun care also. go away. "
weiiiii u knw u mean the world to me?
" i duno a thing . get away . SHOO"

14/6

let me rate today.

5 STAR-------------

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahhahhahaaa
we GOT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finals..... we're coming ! lol
ZANARKAND_________ WE CAN DE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol im going siao d. ahhahhahahhahaa.
2mr i'l see him ! lol. im lk so so SO SO panicky. but this has hpned lk. over the years ! hahha he doesn't like me pun. y bother!
lol
im going out of my mind.
ZOMG im lk falling for huayue once again. lol

槟华女中华乐团__________我爱你们！！！！！！！！
hhahahahaha. YOU CAN~

mwaRhx.
WEI can anybody save me ! im falling deeper n deeper for him. aikx. STOP me
help

2day ive been listening to another song.

Prison gates won't open up for me

On these hands and knees

I'm crawlin'

Oh, I reach for you

Well I'm terrified of these four walls

These iron bars can't hold my soul in

All I need is you

Come please I'm callin'

And oh,

I scream for you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like

To be the last one standing

And teach me wrong from right

And I'll show you what I can be

Say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me

Say it if it's worth savin' me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me

With these broken wings

I'm fallin'

And all I see is you

These city walls ain't got no love for me

I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth

oh, I scream for you

Come please

I'm callin'

And all I need from you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like

To be the last one standing

And teach me wrong from right

And I'll show you what I can be

Say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me

Say it if it's worth savin' me

Hurry I'm callin'

And all I need is you

Come please I'm callin'

And oh, I scream for you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like

To be the last one standing

And teach me wrong from right

And I'll show you what I can be

And say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me

Say it if it's worth savin' me

Hurry I'm fallin'

And say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me

Say it if it's worth savin' me.

xD enjoy ur day. thx MF

hahhahaaha

buhbyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie_________________ DUN MISS ME wakakakkaka

11/6

Nobody. Nobody can picture just how happy i am now. A few words from you can make me jolt up and be delighted such a way. How wonderful to have you in my life. I never felt this way before. It is not exactly strange but, familiar! Like the time we first we met. Like the first time we discovered how similiar we were. If you could stay by me for the days to come, i would need no other things to be as happy as I am now. You could could make me feel this extraordinary way. Only you. lol. It makes me crave for sleeping pills. Ya, just for the night being. haha. Life is starting to be filled with uncertainties. Is it because the life too hectic? Or is it merely because we THINK or PICTURE life as "too hectic"? I don't have the faintest idea! But you, You came back into my life and ensured me thaat life isnt' THAT bad anyways. Your laugh , ah, how dearly i miss is ! Your perspective, Your way of thinking. It's all starting to come back to me. As if I've known you for so long. SO long. The picture of you I always bore along with me, wherever I go. The next time I see you, I won't shut my eyes, cause I'm afraid your face I will forget. I've tried, tried so hard to put away my feelings towards you. But I just can't. I tugged myself into my blanket and slammed my head into the pillow and forced my eyelids to drop shut and threw my bolster on top of me, but I still find no means of sleep. I think of you. oh my god it's as if you've POSSESSED my soul. omg. XD How good will it be if I could face all those problems I will endure in the future in this joyous manner ! I've wondered, are you really the source of my true happiness or maybe just an overdosage of Felix Felicis that will wear out soon? I was really happy and i felt as if I would never be sad again! Yes i will work hard. will do as you say. You may never know how much you mean to me cause I dont's know for myself. if there is a limit to numbers, it would be THAT much. if there is a limit to the universe, it would be THAT much. You let me feel that there is always hope and warmth. They're standing there, you just need a guide to take your hand and lead you there. Perhaps that CRAZINESS and HAPPINESS I experienced just before I started writing is a rush of both hope and warmth. It's true. You're the first person that comes to my mind whenever I need someone to help me, to listen to me, to share my problems with , to share my happiness with. THIS IS NO JOKE. YOU!! listen. I dreamt the wldest dreams because I've got the guts. One day, I'll Dream of me getting your heart. BEWARE you'll fall for me xD. And remember, the next time you sneeze, I'm one of those people who are missing you dearly. x.o.x.o.

8/6

OMFG
ZOMG
OMG
school is REOPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHH-------------------------------------------------------------------

god DAMnniT. T_T
everyone=====wishing you a good first-day-back-at-school. XD

buhBYiIee

7/6

i was thinking. deeply. of all those stuff that kept popping up these few days. lk in movies " a lot of things have happened and i seem to lose control of all things " . gosh gosh gosh.
and you replied me. AT LAST. like after 100000000000 YEARS after ive smsed you. goddamnit. is it so hard to reply me?? but hearing wat it's been like from your words is .. somewhat .. .. er .. tranquilizing. shall i say that! lol
you know just how much i miss you . HOW much. i always had flashbacks of how close both of us were. and i almost wished i never told you. but , i told you anyway. and whether you like it or not, i still like you . so much--- hahha. gosh you really gave me like fantasies and dreams and nightmares. cause i really dreamt of me commiting suicide in front of you because i couldn't take it that you are " in a relationship ". to be honest, i was like. OMFG. how on earth could you!
but then. this person in my head told me : hey he doesn't care! he doesn't care how much you miss him and love him and need him and adore him. he's happy the way his life is now. he doesnt know that you actually were a fool . he doesnt know that you cry because of him. he doesnt know he's hurt you. he doesnt know that your heart has been totally torn apart by him. nah, he doesn't know you love him.
so today, i listened to a song which quite fitted hw i was feeling.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and
I’m alone
Still
Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk awayAnd never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

p/s: i love you

5/6

5/6 ----- 22/6 's tickets rise to RM25.
4/6 ----- all petrol stations are flocked with desparate motorists who are DYING to have a pump which WILL save them RM 30-80 after the rise to RM2.7/litre. wow that's a lot. and not forgetting... MICKY"S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3/6 ----- first annivesary of 龙吟.
2/6 ----- nishie's birthday.n being sick. X.X
1/6 ----- EuniCe's birthday. hahhaha muakx dar
n i predict 6/6 is gonna be a BUSY busy day. okay. AS usual. 8-5pm 华乐 n then 6-8pm piano. wooo kewl

it's been so long since i've blogged. do you guys miss me?
i don't know why but, things have slightly altered in my life. it's like i've stepped into a new stage of my life and am being to lose control of things i used to have control. example: my life. lol
actually is being 15++ so...fun? i see a lot of people hanging around in malls ( okay teenagers of my age ) and i start to wonder ...
1. is it just me being rushy n hectic n busy all the time?
2. OR is it them being SO free. i dno. i myself, AM confused.
they seem to like have time to go to gurney practically every weekend whereas i have to really plan AHEAD to get a weekend to spend in gurney.
gosh my life is getting pathethic!
im lk god damn bloody envious of those who can have time to stick with whoever they want to, whenever they want to and wherever they go without worrying about time.
can someone tell me. is form 4 really driving me nuts or what? im going out of my mind. i hope, SOON.
arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
today at huayue was nice. QUITE at least. some people done great jobs ( credits goes to 笛子&笙 XD ) yet some ignore. X.X wakey wakey~!!
neeway. i cant blif i was like SO indulged watching that person. it' s like that person is creating such a powerful magnetic force field that i can't help myself from being dragged towards. i had pictures in my mind like deja vus. yes ray, deja vus. aikx why in this time you come into my life? i wish i had time. aikxx

gotta go sleep. buhbyiiiie